This post may include affiliate links.
What’s In This Episode
Self-esteem and self-confidence are important things. They help us believe in ourselves and feel good about ourselves. When you have good self-esteem and self-confidence, you are better able to deal with the challenges that are thrown at you and this helps you to be more successful in life. You will feel more comfortable with yourself and this will help you to maintain good relationships.
Self-confidence and self-esteem are two things that everyone desires. But, building self-confidence and self-esteem aren’t easy. I know, I’ve been working on it my whole life, and in this episode, we’re going to discuss this specific question on how you can build your self-esteem and self-confidence. These are the things that helped me work with it and hopefully, will help you too.
Join the waitlist for the SFB personal development community //
You’re now listening to the self development, collective a podcast in community full of inner work and self development ideas to help us get unstuck and become the person we truly want to be Hi guys, and welcome to searching for better. So in this episode today, we’re going to go through how to build self-esteem and self-confidence. So the reason I’m going through this today is because I’ve been on Cora answering questions and, you know, seeing what people, what kind of questions people have, and there’s been so much, that’s come up on self-confidence and self-esteem, and for me, I would always choose to work on self-esteem because I think self-esteem is a natural foundation to self confidence. So that’s why I’ve put the two in the title today. So if you’re struggling with how to build your self-confidence and self-esteem, these are six areas that we can work on. They’re not my areas. They’re from a book called the six pillars of self-esteem. It’s a really great book. One that I highly recommend. I will put a link in the description better, but out of all the personal development books, it is by far the one that I have reflected on and use the most it’s even like coffee stained and all sorts of stuff and doggy it and, and, and like so many notes because I just, it’s such a great book. So if you’re looking for a book to build your self esteem and self confidence, definitely grap it, it’s a classic it’s really, really good. But today I’m going to go through some of the things that the 60 areas that he recommends that we take action on to build our self-esteem. So firstly, before we get into it, I first wanted to find what self-esteem is. Just so that we can all get clear and be on the same page, because even I was kind of like, I, I understand what it is, but I don’t know if I’d know how to define it. So the way the author defined self-esteem as he puts it into separate sections or two parts. So the first thing is self efficacy. So he refers to self-efficacy as confidence in the functioning of our minds, in our ability to think, understand, learn, choose, and make decisions. And he also refers to it as self-trust and self-reliance and the second part of self-esteem, he says he self-respect. So he defines it as a surety of our value and affirmative attitude towards our right to live and be happy comfort in asserting our wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings, and the belief that joy and fulfillment are in our natural birthright. And then he sums it up to say that self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life. So that would be the self-efficacy part confidence in our skills self-trust self-reliance so self-esteem is a disparate disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and worthy of happiness. So there’s a, self-respect now the pot that I love the most about this book is that he actually says that self-esteem is a result of our choices and he really focuses on the actions. That’s something that I like, because I don’t know about you, but I found that a lot of self-development books really tend to be a little bit surface level where they don’t really give you like they, they suggest things, but it’s often times not in depth enough. I feel anyways to help us really truly solve challenges that we have. And in this book, these six areas, he really digs in date to figure out how we can build our self-esteem in the areas we can work on. So that’s why I highly recommend this, but let’s get started. So the first area he says to work on when it comes to building our self esteem is living consciously. So he defined that as seeking to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values, and goals, to the best of our ability, whatever that may be, and to behave in accordance with that, which we see and know, but also to act on that, which we see and know. So living consciously to me really reflects the idea that I’m constantly talking about, which is becoming aware of the things that drive us, the values that drive us to automate behaviors that we have where those behaviors stemmed, the experiences that perhaps created those behaviors that created the subconscious programming that we all sort of live by. And the way that I kind of think about this area of, of living consciously or becoming self-awareness as I like to call it is that notion that it’s like driving a car. When we drive a car, we get so used to where our, our minds have this amazing ability to save energy by using automatic programs that we have developed over our lifetime and driving just is an easy metaphor to use where, you know, when you’re driving and you sort of in thought, and you’re not really conscious of what’s happening and you get to the place. And you’re like, I was in my mind that whole time. I don’t even know how I got here. That’s because they are, mine has practiced these programs long enough of how to drive in what to focus on that we can actually do it without fully realizing it. And that’s kind of like what happens when we leave unconsciously. So we tend to work off these beliefs, these drives these programs that we’re not fully aware of, that we’ve developed over time, over our lifetime. And they tend to drive our actions in our behavior. So you can imagine that if we’re living unconsciously or not fully aware of what’s driving us, we tend to actually leave through values and behaviors that perhaps don’t serve us because they’re old programs. There are things that we’ve learnt in childhood that perhaps don’t work for us anymore. So his idea here was that we first need to be aware of the things that are driving us to. And something that I like to think of is to really look at our behaviors. So look at our values to look at the beliefs out programs that we have to become aware of them. And then to stop acting out the values and the behaviors that we, that we want to say in our lives. So for me, something that I like to do, something that helps me in this area every year is at the side of the yard. I like to actually create a list of values and something that I found really helpful as well, ease to actually reflect on the current values of beliefs and the programs that we currently have, and actually digging data to say where they come from, whether they serve us and what actions and behavior that they lead to. This just helps us again, to bring, I suppose, to become more self-aware of the things again, that are driving us so that instead of just metaphorically jumping into the car of life and sort of just going wherever and not really thinking about it, we become more aware of the processes. And what happens is when we become more conscious, when we leave more consciously or with more self-awareness that’s when we get the opportunity to change our behavior, to change our choice, because we start becoming aware of the things that are affecting us as we start to make those choices. So that’s how I interpreted that living consciously. And I key part that he said was, you know, it’s important for us to be aware of the values that guide our actions, because if we’re unaware of them, we tend to live by values that are inherited, not values that necessarily serve us. So this is another area that I find is really good to reflect on when we start to get really resentful will stress in life. Because usually to me, that reflects the fact that again, we’re living from values that are inherited, or we’re leaving from programs that don’t like subconscious programming that doesn’t serve us or beliefs that serve the person that we want to be, or the goals that we have. So becoming more self-aware again, is all about just giving us the awareness to make a different decision. It’s kind of like, you know, if we’re not conscious, when we drive, we will take the usual route. We’ll never actually detour would never maybe take away that we’re short or a way that was more Sini. We just are in automatic pilot. And that’s the same thing with life. If we don’t actually become aware as we’re driving. So to speak again, metaphorically we don’t get the opportunity to take a different turn or to see something that we might’ve missed or find a new place that we might like to eat. That’s just the way that I see it, it, when we become aware of where we’re going in the car, when we’re driving, it gives us the opportunity to choose differently. And that’s definitely something that we see that I found useful in my life. When I find that I’m repeating something consistently the same habit or I’m having the same frustration, it’s usually because I’m not living consciously and I’m not being self-aware in that area of my life. So that’s the first thing that he speaks about living consciously. So seeking to be aware of everything that bears on our actions, purposes, values, and goals, and then adjusting that to the person that we want to be, to be more conscious again, of what’s driving us now, the area number two that he speaks about when it comes to building our self-esteem is practice of self acceptance. Now I love this one out of all of them. This has to be my favorites. And to me, this one goes hand in hand with everything that I’ve learned when it comes to self-compassion. So firstly, how does he divine it’s defined self-acceptance so here’s a fine self-acceptance as our refusal to be in an Advocis adversarial relationship with myself. So he says to be on my own side to be for myself and something that he wrote that I wrote down that I really love is he, he said, I choose to value myself, to treat myself with respect, to stand up for my right to exist. He defined self-acceptance as well as a willingness to experience rather than disown whatever thoughts and feelings I have and be present to my behavior. So again, this reminds me very much of self-compassion because it’s the same idea. Self-compassion and self-acceptance. So I think that self-compassion is a tool that can lead us to more self-acceptance. So becoming, I think the challenge with self-acceptance is we worry that if we accept those parts of ourselves, those feelings, those emotions, or the situations that we’re not particularly happy with, that we will become the person that we don’t want to be. All we have to accept and become part of that part that we don’t want to associate ourselves with. And something that I learnt is to really move forward in life. And to really learn from experiences. We first have to accept those experiences. We have to accept the parts of ourselves that we’re afraid of because those parts to may have often led to the most growth. And this is what he writes about. He says that self acceptance is a precondition of change and growth. He says, if I’m confronted with a mistake, I have made in accepting that I, that it is mine. I’m free to learn from it and do better in the future. I can not learn from a mistake. I cannot accept. I have made now something really key here that I wrote down that I want to mention as well is accepting doesn’t mean locking, enjoying, or condoning. So I love that. I love that because again, we self-acceptance, we worry that if we accept something we’ll become complacent, we’ll become lazy. We’ll become this version of ourselves that we don’t want to be. So again, accepting doesn’t mean walking, enjoying, or condoning. It simply means that we’re acknowledging we’re, except we’re accepting the thoughts and feelings of behavior and choosing to learn from them. And this is where self-compassion comes in. Everything about self-compassion is about being able to be nonjudgmental and curious about ourselves, but also practice a level of self-kindness that we would with someone else, or we would expect from an ideal parent. So this is something that I feel is really important because it’s not enough just to say, well, I accept. It’s also about how we talk to ourselves. And that’s another thing when you’re practicing this willingness to experience, rather than discerned whatever feelings we have and be present to our behavior. It’s also important to note how we speak to ourselves, not just what we say, but how we say it, because something else that’s been really important in what I’ve learned for me is it’s not just what we say. It’s how we say it because, you know, if we’re saying, oh, well, you know what, I’m just going to accept it. That’s the way it is. That’s that Taryn in and of itself is quite self-critical right. It’s quite shaming. And if someone else said that to you, it would probably, well, I know for me, it would bring up my defenses naturally because it’s, when, when we’re self critical with ourselves or when someone else’s self critical to us, it comes across as an, as a threat. So our body naturally becomes an, our mind become brings itself defenses. It doesn’t it. And something that I like is he said someone spray that I was listening to about, self-compassion said, the way we talk to ourselves can, can put us into fight or flight. It can actually cause that state of anxiety or that state of fight that anger. So it’s really important when you’re practicing self-acceptance to actually practice self self-compassion as well. So about being curious, non-judgemental understanding that we all go through and experience all these different feelings and we’re human beings for that. That’s all that it comes down to we’re human beings for experiencing these thoughts and feelings. They’re all natural. And we have an opportunity to learn from them and we practice self-acceptance. So self acceptance out of all of them has to be my favorite because I think it’s the one that allows us to learn the most and allows us to just be comfortable in ourselves be comfortable with mistakes, practice being okay, understanding that mistakes help us grow and that we’re not perfect. So, and an exercise that he recommended was looking in the mirror and just looking at each area of ourselves and practicing our self-acceptance through that. So that’s another thing that was really helpful. Now, if that’s a exercise that you’re interested in, cause I don’t want to make these podcasts super long or you got the 13, 14 minute mark. I will add that in the description. So please have a look at the description. And, and if you want a self-acceptance exercise that he recommends in the book, then check the description. I will put a little PDF there for you that you can download. So that way you can have that and practice that as well. And that’s something that I’ve practiced too. And I found it really helpful. Sorry, let’s get to number three. Cause I could talk about this forever. Number three is pretty self-explanatory. He says that number three the, or the third area we can work on to build our self-esteem and self-confidence is self responsibility. So this means taking responsibility for our actions and the attainment of our, so something, an experience or a moment that I want to talk to you about. And I’m sure we’ve all had these times some of the toughest thing it’s one of the hardest things we could do is really take responsibility. Mainly because it’s just scary, right? Taking responsibility means that we also have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. And I was, I had a moment probably about a year ago where I was sitting with my husband and I was like, you know what, I’m, I’m really, I’m really frustrated with myself. I feel like I’m going nowhere. I feel like the blogs, not where I want it to be the podcast. Isn’t where I want it to be. I’m not where I thought I’d be. And I was getting really frustrated and he turned around to me and he said, and again, this is where self-acceptance and self-awareness comes in, right. Because if I didn’t have, if I hadn’t worked on these three areas, I probably would have handled the situation a lot differently. So he turns around, he says to me, okay, well, I understand that you’re frustrated, but how much time are you actually giving it because you don’t seem to be really working on it much lately. So if you’re not really working on it much, how much she expected to expect to get from it. Now, if I had not, if I had not worked on my self-acceptance firstly, understanding that I’ve human and that everybody gets scared to pursue things and get themselves out of their comfort zone and make changes. And that’s obviously the reason why I was avoiding this type of work, because it is hard work for me, it is challenging work that pushes me out of my comfort zone. So naturally I was procrastinating and avoiding, but the thing was too, I probably wasn’t being conscious to the fact that I was not living to the values that I have written down and was trying to aim for myself, which was, you know, to honor my work to honor my voice to, to honor the, the to honor the work that I did. I felt called to sorry again, because I’d really worked in, I understood that I wasn’t being very conscious in that year. Well, yeah, a catch 22 because I probably wasn’t super conscious, but I knew that to work, to change things, I had to become more conscious because obviously I was stuck in this loop. And when he said that to me, I understood as well that it was only my responsibility to fix that. And it was my responsibility for the outcome of this because I wasn’t putting my, my, I wasn’t taking action in the way that I knew I needed to. And I wasn’t taking responsibility for that. And instead I was just blaming and really sitting in that space of frustration. But I also accepted, again, the self-acceptance is really important here because if I didn’t have that, I probably would have criticized my self more and drilled myself a bit more and being like, you’re stupid. You don’t making decisions. Why are you doing this? Like, I’m sure you can imagine what happens when we look back on, on a decision or realize something and the realization is important, but to move forward from that realization, we also have to be kind to ourselves. So that’s what I did. I was like, okay, I’m obviously really scared and he’s right. I’m not taking action. Why aren’t I taking action? Be curious, let’s work through this. Let’s understand why I’m why I’m not taking action. And let’s think of some little things I can do to make changes. So self responsibility, I suppose the question is, are you taking responsibility for those areas in your life for the goals that you have or for setting those goals or reaching those goals? Because at the end of the day, we cannot control everything. And that’s a key thing that I want to, I want everyone to remember this because you know, life, hands are so many situations that we can’t control, but at the end of the day, something we can control is our response. And that’s something I’ve learned as well. Look, I used to get really frustrated that I couldn’t spend four or five hours in a row working or doing podcasts. Now I understand that life throws situations and circumstances and people come over and, and days change and they’re not always going as planned. But what I do is I commit to the fact that I do the work every day. Even if it’s 10 minutes, I have done something today to work towards living more consciously and living and taking responsibility for the fact that I am responsible for the goals that I set myself, which leads to area number four, he says that the next area to work on for our self-esteem is self assertiveness. Now I’ve just got to put this so we don’t episode doesn’t die. Okay. So the next area that he speaks about area Ana before his self assertiveness. So he defines that as honoring our wants needs, values, and seeking appropriate forms of their expression in reality. So fear the way that I relate to this the most is doing this work. And I think, again, I always reflect on this because this work has challenged every single belief FIA value that I’ve had, or that I’ve inherited, sorry, self assertiveness. So for me, my wants needs and values are the things that I want from my life. The things that I value, which is being here, learning, speaking, talking about topics that help us live a better life. Especially once my brother passed away, I realized how precious it was to live this one life that we have. And I became obsessed with finding like psychology and a little bit of spirituality mixing the two and finding things that help us to live a life that we truly want regret when we get to the end of it. So for me, it’s being self-assertive is being honest about the work that I do. And something that I’ve really done lately is really pushed myself out there on Instagram. And that was something that was really frightening for me because I was petrified at the idea of my family, finding out that I do this work, hearing me talk about this sort of stuff, and it still scares me. But again, it’s about self asserting the F my wants my needs for my life. And being honest about the type of person, the type of values that I have in the work that I want to do, and I spent years hiding it. So I completely understand how difficult self assertiveness can be. So something that he wrote as well was the willingness to stand up for ourselves to be who we are openly to treat ourselves with your spirits, you know, human encounters. So something else with self assertiveness that really strikes me in this area is how many times we spent time agreeing with PayPal in conversations to be liked. I know that was a big issue for me. And I think that that’s not something that I find as challenging anymore, because I’m quite comfortable now to respectfully disagree with someone not take part in things if I feel like I don’t like the idea or the behavior. So this is something that I think is really important because we all tend to not assert ourselves as much because we have this fear that if we do assert ourselves, if we’re honest about our wants our needs and our values, then we will lose connection with the ones we love. And that is a real Fiat because you know, most of our lives, I can guarantee you, someone said that you shouldn’t do something or you couldn’t do something or it wasn’t in our nature. It wasn’t in your nature. You’re not that type of person. There’s lots of people around us, in our family and our social world that fill us with ideas on how we should be. And again, it’s about that idea of inheriting, inheriting wants, needs and values that might not truly be ours. So once we become more conscious, once we become more self-accepting and once we actually practice taking responsibility, then we get the opportunity to start asserting myself ourselves. And this is something that I definitely found is I took these steps and worked on these areas of my life. And I’m definitely, I think at the self-esteem nativeness pot. Now, as you can say, I’m sorry, but again, this is something that’s really important because it’s just about being true and authentic to ourselves. And having a run backs in a way, and I loved that something else he wrote, he said, it’s about speaking, thinking and acting from out, you know, most conviction and a value that he wrote for this area of our lives, self assertiveness. And this is a value I wrote at the side of the yard is our life belongs to us. We’re not here to live up to someone’s expectations. And self-esteem nativeness is really taking those reins of being honest about who we want to be, the values that we have the wants and needs that we have and expressing them in a, in a, in a form that feels important to us. So for me, sitting here talking about this, this is important to be, so what ways do you think that you’re not self asserting yourself and how do you think you can change that? Maybe it’s like just a simple saying no to someone. Maybe it’s putting yourself out there on Instagram. Maybe it’s when you’re in a conversation with someone you’re becoming more aware that you’re agreeing, just because you want to be locked. And maybe it’s a matter of actually just saying, no, I disagree. And that’s something that happened with me. I used to just go along with everything that people said, because I was so scared that they wouldn’t like me. And again, that fear of connection and possibly because I did have a lot of family experiences where, you know, I’d say things and people would disagree or tell me I was wrong. And so naturally we learn not to assert ourselves. And perhaps that’s an experience that you have as well. So I think self assertiveness is something that we need to learn just so that we can be truly authentically ourselves and feel as though we are being that honest version of ourselves. And truth of the matter is, are probably more connected to myself. More than I much more than I used to. And because of that, I can be more true to the, to the relationships around me. And I think the ones that naturally are meant to be there will stay in the ones that don’t naturally fall away. So when it comes to self-esteem nativeness, is this something that you struggle with easiest, perhaps, maybe, you know, that you are conscious of the way the person that you want to be, and you have practice self-acceptance, but you’re having trouble actually just communicating that to people. Maybe it’s about finding a way to express that or being honest about expressing that. So that was number four and number five, the area number five that he’s next recommends working on to increase our self-esteem is living purposefully. So here’s the way he describes it is to live purposefully, is to use our powers for the attainment of goals. We have selected, sorry. He gives a couple of steps and these are the steps that he gives. He says, first it’s taking responsibility for setting goals and purposes consciously. So that kind of ties in with the previous living consciously. So first figuring out you know, what drives us, why we’re in the position we’re in, perhaps why we’re stuck, why we’re not taking action, what beliefs we have that no longer serve us, what values are we’re living from that we perhaps inherited, then it’s all about, okay, now it’s about, self-acceptance accepting that we become who we are by mistake. And I love that idea because it’s basically saying that our social world and our family, they shape us. And that’s not necessarily something that’s done intentionally, but rather generationally, right? We have parents and grandparents that have been through wars and, and migrated and had so many challenges and still hold some values really deeply that perhaps don’t work for us anymore. And that’s something that I liked because it reminds me every time not to personalize values, that they try to push on me, but to understand that their generational responses to trauma and experiences that they’ve had, and the world we live in is different now. And the responses that we will have will be different and that’s okay. And then it goes to self-responsibility. So now it’s like, okay, I am responsible for my life. I am responsible for my response. So what goals do I want to have? What actions do I need to be taking to, you know, get to that work. And then it’s about a case, self assertiveness, being honest about those goals, being honest about the person that I am being honest about, the discoveries that we’re making on our journey. And then we get to this point of living purposefully. So it’s kind of like integrating all that we’ve learned about ourselves and the way that we wanted to live. So that’s taking responsibility for setting goals and our purpose consciously. And then he says, the next thing is to identify actions, to reach those goals and then monitor our behavior and then pay attention to the outcome of our actions, to know whether they are leading us to where we want to go. Now, something I want to talk about when I say living purposefully and all these things is it can look like he’s focusing on achievement a lot, but something that he says, which has stuck with me, and I think is really important to share with you, make sure that we’re not pushing that idea that it’s about living purposes, about your achievements. He says, the root of self-esteem is not our achievements, but the internally generated practices that among other things make it possible for us to achieve. So something that I heard a long time ago was when we set goals, it’s not actually about the goal. It’s about the feeling that God gives us and the person we become in achieving that goal. When we go for it, when we aim for a gold, usually that goal requires us to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. It means that we have to learn new strategies, new programming, new beliefs, new values, take new action. There’s so much to it. And in a way it is about building our self-esteem. It’s about building our resilience, becoming resourceful. There are so many amazing internally generated practices that we learn when we start to live purposely and choose to take action towards our goals. So, you know what, sometimes as well, it’s a matter of a thing of perhaps we didn’t get exactly to the goal we thought we wanted or what we thought, but we’ve become this amazing person because we’ve aimed for that. And that’s definitely something that I’ve experienced in my life where, you know, it’s not turned out the way I thought, but I’ve definitely become the person that I would hope to become and the goals have shifted, but I’ve still managed to become that person. And that’s something that I want to talk about here. So living purposefully is important because it helps us to become the person that we truly want to be. And even if the goal shifts, the internal strategies, the practices that we learned, valuing ourself, being able to push ourselves out of our comfort zone, they’re the skills that are important. And they’re the skills that we carry with us. And that’s the important part of living purposefully. I think too, the idea of monitoring, monitoring our behavior means that we’re just looking at our values, looking at our goals and making sure that our actions are leading towards those goals or to the person that we want to become. So I really love that idea of living purposefully because it just teaches us so much. And it integrates all those ideas that we’ve just learned here about how to increase our self-esteem now, number six, I’m so excited. We’re at the last one. Number six is personal integrity. So he sums it up in a nutshell, he says whether our behavior is congruent with our values and ideals. So that’s what he means by personal integrity. So does our behavior match the values of the ideas, the goals that we had. He said, when we behave in ways that conflict with this, we lose face in our own eyes. And that’s really interesting because it’s kind of like for me, I’ve learned all this, I’ve worked on my self-esteem. I’ve tried to build myself up. And then when I don’t take action or my blog, or don’t recall that podcast, it really frustrates me because I am not living with personal integrity. My behavior is not matching all the things that I’ve learned, all the things that I’ve worked in, all the deep knowing that I have, that I have discovered for myself. So personal integrity is like the final one where it’s really about are we leaving? Grew it to the things that are important to us. Are we acting out the things that we have discovered? Are we being self-assertive a route? Are we, are we following through with everything that we’ve learnt? And obviously, you know what? Life is a constant thing of being on course, of course on-call on course, of course, so guaranteed. We, nobody will live with personal integrity all the time, but again, self-acceptance kicks in, doesn’t it. And then we leave purposefully and we realize, and we start to put ourselves back on track. And that’s definitely been the case for me. This labor of love, the podcast has been challenging because Tom there’ve been times, I felt so motivated and other times I’ve felt unmotivated and that’s the same in different areas of my life. So I think personal integrity is a great skill to have because it constantly keeps us in check. It constantly reminds us whether our behavior is being is matching our values and ideals. And I see what he’s saying about losing face. When I stick to who I am, when I stick to the values that I have and who I want to be, I, my self-esteem grows. When I avoid the things that I want to do when I’m not being honest about who I am when I’m not living out the, again, the values that I’ve created for myself, then I find that my self esteem dips. So that’s another thing. And I, I, again, I understand it’s something he speaks about to he’s, you know, we weren’t always make the best choice and that’s something to remember as well, personally, personal integrity is something that will be a constant labor of love for many of us. And that’s okay because that’s life, right. Again, we’re not a hundred percent on course all the time, but once we develop these skills and work on these six foundations that he’s spoken about life does get better. It does get more meaningful, more meaningful and more on purpose because we have these tools. And once we have these tools, we never lose them. We’re fully aware of them. And we can use them every time we get into that automatic pilot, every time we get scared, every time he gets stuck in that loop of procrastination or fear that we all get into. And again, self-compassion, self-acceptance acceptance remembering that we are human beings and these emotions have a purpose. My challenges have been my best podcast episodes. My biggest challenges honestly, have been my most popular episodes. And that’s not a coincidence because we all find very, we all have similar challenges in certain ways. Obviously speaking about being a resonating about, I suppose, keeping in mind that I’m talking from my perspective and I, we’re very, I’m very shaming. We’re lucky to live in you know, a first world country. So that is a little bit of a, a finicky topic, but we, we can struggle with the same thing. So I find that it helps me feel less alone when I know that the podcasts that I record, where I talk about my biggest challenges are appreciated by other people and resonate with other people because they too have the same challenges. So I’m just going to recap. I’m not going to go over all the points, cause this is such a big book and it’s so intense. And it’s really great though. This is the book. I just want to show you the cover, but and if you want to say the cover this YouTube video up, so make sure to have a look. So let’s go over the six areas to work on, to build our self-esteem and self-confidence first one living consciously second one practicing self-acceptance. And I like to add in self-compassion three taking self responsibility, full self assertiveness, five living purposefully, and six personal integrity. So again, if you like this type of content and you want to do this type of work, we will actually be doing some exercises and focusing on self-esteem and self-compassion in a separate month in the membership. This is what this is about. The membership is about living consciously personal integrity, practicing what we are practicing, being the person that we want to be setting goals, putting, pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone, but all with the accountability and support of a community of people who are trying to do the same thing, because we’re not alone in this. So if this is something that you’re interested in, and if the community membership is something that you’re, that you would like to hear more about, make sure to join join my email list because it will be a closed membership. So I will let anyone in the email list know when it opens and there’ll be a short window to join after that we’ll close the membership just so we can focus on the experience and really hone in on the members that are a part of it. And it’ll only be I think, every couple of months. So if you’re looking for a community, if you want to do the work, if your self-esteem is something that you’d like to work on, your self-confidence, you creating those changes in your life, then join us in the community. But otherwise I hope that you enjoyed this podcast and as usual take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. But thank you so much for being here and I really appreciate it and I will catch you in the next episode.